Accidental pregnancy
by dominoharvey
Summary: Clintasha au where Natasha is pregnant. Angst and comfort ensue :)
1. Chapter 1

Her palms were sweaty. She realized this suddenly, looking down at her hands in her lap. Actually, her whole body was sweaty, causing her clothes to stick to her skin. And her heart was racing. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this nervous. She wasn't even this stressed before a mission.

Jesus, she had to calm down.

But she couldn't. Her heart kept pounding and her body kept sweating and she could feel the anxiety creeping up her body, into her throat, threatening to choke her. And all she could do was sit there. Sit there and take it and ask herself for the millionth time what the fuck she was going to do.

For the past few weeks she'd felt weird, off. But she couldn't understand where the feeling was coming from. Her routine was the same, her motions the same as they'd always been. Still, the feeling was there. And she couldn't shake it.

So she went to the hospital, just to be on the safe side. She told them what she'd been feeling and they ran the tests that they deemed appropriate. When they'd called her in a few days later she was certain that she'd been right. Something was wrong. The doctor led her into his office, and she was surprised to see that when he turned around he was smiling.

"I have some good news." He said.

Huh. Not what'd she'd been expecting to hear, but it was certainly better than having him struggle to deliver some kind of horrible bombshell.

"Miss Romanoff, you're pregnant."

Natasha blinked.

Once.

Then twice.

Then she'd smiled. "You're kidding, right?"

Obviously this was some kind of joke. Probably Stark's idea.

The doctor frowned. "I'm sorry?"

"You must be joking. I'm infertile, I can't get pregnant." She known he was probably well aware of what the term meant but it seemed important to say the words anyway. He had to understand that he'd made a mistake. That this was impossible.

"It's difficult, I'll admit. You probably had less than a 10% chance of getting pregnant. But for whatever reason, you were successful." Then he'd smiled again, fully expecting her to be overjoyed.

But all she'd felt was nausea.

No. No there was no way. This wasn't happening.

Not to her.

"I'm telling you th….there's been a mistake." The nausea had started to build up and she'd suddenly felt dizzy.

Then the doctor showed her the paperwork. The tests.

It wasn't a joke. Or a prank. It was real.

She was pregnant.

Looking back, she didn't remember leaving the doctor's office, taking the files with her. She didn't remember getting in the car and driving back to her apartment. She didn't even remember unlocking the door.

All she knew was the doctor talking to her, telling her to calm down, and then she was in her apartment, sitting on the floor.

It didn't take long for the nausea to become overpowering and soon she was rushing to the bathroom.

Afterwards she sat against the wall, where she was now, slowly becoming aware of her sweaty body and increasing heart rate and the reality of the situation that was threatening to pull her under.

Orphan. Assassin. Agent.

Killer.

Murderer.

Mother?

She put her face in her hands and tried to tell herself to calm down. Her hands started shaking so she just pressed harder.

Maybe if she pressed hard enough she could block out the voices, block out the whispers that had started the minute she'd left the doctor's office.

Then she felt a hand on hers and she jumped, her eyes flying open. Clint was kneeling down next to her, staring at her anxiously. "Nat, what happened?"

She was so caught off guard, not just by him, but by everything, that at first all she could do was stare at him.

"Natasha." He said. He shook her slightly. "Natasha, are you hurt?"

Physically? No.

Mentally? Maybe

Psychologically? Yes.

Definitely yes.

"Natasha, talk to me."

She just kept staring at him. Tears started running down her face before she could stop them.

Clint exhaled sharply and sat down next to her.

"Baby, you're scaring me."

The nausea that she'd been trying to control flared up the minute he said that one little word.

Baby.

She was going to have a baby.

Natasha stood up, pushing past Clint, her hand over her mouth. She leaned over the toilet and was violently sick again. She vaguely registered Clint holding her hair back. A few minutes later she knew it was over. For the moment, at least.

She leaned back from the toilet and felt Clint wrap his arms around her torso. He helped her stand up slowly, keeping his grip on her even after she was steady. She turned around in his arms and looked at him.

She couldn't do this.

"Nat, for god's sake, you have to tell me what's wrong."

The tears were still wet on her face. He lifted his hand and brushed them away.

"Clint, I have to tell you something."

Clint tensed slightly but he didn't say anything. Just waited.

She wondered what he was thinking, what he expected to hear. Probably some kind of health issue, some kind of side effect of an old injury.

Something that they could still fix.

"I'm…" The words were caught in her throat. She tried to swallow but couldn't do it.

"What, Nat?"

"I'm pregnant."

He froze, just like she knew he would. His face went completely still. She let out a sob, ducking her head so that she didn't have to see his face.

Eventually she felt his hand under her chin. She tried to pull away but he kept it there until she looked back up.

"Are you sure?"

She just nodded. His face was too composed, too calm. She couldn't read it at all.

'You're not happy."

It wasn't a question. It was stated matter-of-factly, as if he were talking about the weather.

This wasn't what she'd been expecting at all.

She couldn't answer him, so she did what she did best and avoided the question.

"Are you?"

Clint sighed in frustration. "Answer the question, Nat."

She was shaking again. He was holding her so tightly that she knew he must have felt it.

"I can't." she whispered.

"Can't what? Can't tell me?"

"No, Clint, I can't do this. Any of this."

Her hands drifted down to her stomach instinctively. He saw her movement and put his hands on hers.

"Why are you so scared, Nat?"

She looked at both of their hands on her stomach before she looked up at him.

"You're not?"

"Of course I am. Fuck, I'm scared shitless." He was smiling now, like a little kid. "But, Nat, we're having a baby. Us. We're gonna have a baby." He ducked his head and kissed her, keeping his hands on her stomach. She kissed him back, trying to feel what he was feeling. He felt her hesitation and pulled back.

"Talk to me."

It was easier now. Maybe because he was here, holding her. Maybe because he was so excited it was practically radiating off of him.

But for whatever reason, she knew she had to tell him.

"What if something happens? To the baby?"

He frowned in concern. "What do you mean?"

She looked back down at her stomach. "Clint, my body was made for one thing. Not to give life, but to take it away. They programmed me like that." She could taste more tears in the back of her throat. "What if something happens while I'm pregnant? What if I hurt the child? Our child"

Clint pushed her hair back from her face. "Baby, you won't."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I do!"

"That's not good enough." She backed away from him, clutching her stomach. "Clint, I can't be responsible for this child. If something happens I—"

Clint pulled her back to him, keeping his fingers in her hair. "Nothing is going to happen, okay. Nothing."

"How do you k—"

"I don't, okay. I don't. I don't know that for sure." His grip tightened on her. "But I swear to you, I will keep you safe. Both of you. I'll protect you, Nat."

She looked into his eyes and she saw that he meant it, with everything he had. He would keep their child safe. And maybe he could help her to do it to.

On her own this wouldn't have been possible, on any level. She never would have been able to handle this. But with Clint, maybe they could make it work. Maybe they could actually do this.

"We're having a baby." She said. For the first time she could feel herself starting to smile. "We're having a baby." Now that she'd finally said the words, she felt like she had to keep saying them.

"Yeah, yeah we are." He was grinning again. This time when he leaned down to kiss her she put her hands on his shoulders, pulling him closer. Their lips met and she knew he was smiling just as much as she was.

They were having a baby. And they would make it work.


	2. Chapter 2

"Two months?"

"That's what the doctor said."

"How could you be pregnant for two months and not realize it?"

"I didn't think I _could_ get pregnant, Clint."

"Still. You should have at least been a little suspicious."

"You realize you're arguing with a pregnant, hormonal Russian, right?"

"…you got me there."

Natasha smiled against his chest. They were lying in bed, his arms wrapped around her tightly. One of his hands was resting on her stomach again. He hadn't been able to keep his hands off her abdomen since she'd told him. Not that she minded.

"Who should we tell first?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Fury, for sure. We'll need to get you some time off."

"Not that much time."

Clint looked down at her. "A year. At least."

"A _year_? Come on, Clint that's really not nece—"

"Yes. It is." He shifted so that he was leaning over her on his elbows, keeping his weight off of her torso. "A year off of field work, at least."

"Meaning I'll be stuck doing paperwork for the next twelve months."

"Meaning you'll be _safe_." His fingers reached up to stroke her cheek. "I don't want you out in the field."

"Clint, I am perfectly capable of working and being pregnant at the same time. You don't need to worry."

"Yes, I do. I worry about you enough as it is, Tasha. I don't think I could handle it if something happened now."

Natasha smiled up at him before pressing her lips against his lightly. "You're going to get grey hair if you keep worrying like that."

"I mean it, Nat. No more missions. At least until after the baby is born."

She sighed and closed her eyes. "We can talk about it tomorrow."

"I'm not changing my mind."

She smiled but kept her eyes closed. She could feel her exhaustion starting to take its toll. The bed shifted slightly as Clint moved to lie down next to her again, one hand on her stomach and the other in her hair. She rested her head against his chest before she gave in to her fatigue and fell asleep.

Clint felt Natasha's body relax and knew she was asleep. His chin was resting on the top of her head and he kissed her forehead softly, careful not to wake her.

In all the years he'd been with Natasha, he never thought this would happen. She'd always believed she couldn't have kids, so they'd never really talked about it. There was no point. But secretly, he'd always wanted that kind of life with her, to have a family and a home and a life outside of Shield. And now maybe they could.

He'd just have to get her to ease up on her fieldwork. Which, knowing her, would probably result in her tackling him to the ground.

Smiling, he leaned into her and closed his eyes, keeping his hand on her stomach as he fell asleep.

_It was a mission just like any other. Natasha held her gun out in front of her and moved slowly into the building, her eyes darting around the room. Everything was still. For now, at least._

_She was so focused on the area around her that she didn't see the glass littering the floor. Her foot stepped on a shard and she heard it crackling under her shoe, the sound echoing in the dark room._

_She froze for a millisecond before hearing the clip of a gun. She moved out of the way, but it was too late._

_She felt the sting of the bullet piercing her body and looked down in horror. A patch of blood was starting to form on her stomach, the redness soaking through the fabric of her shirt._

_The baby._

_Suddenly she felt dizzy as she clawed at the fabric, trying to pull it away, to see the damage and try to fix it before…before…._

Natasha sat upright, breathing hard. Her hands automatically went to her stomach, feeling under her shirt for any damage. But her fingers felt nothing but smooth skin. No injury. No bullet hole.

It was just a dream.

She was fine.

"Nat…"

Clint sat up behind her, wrapping his arms around her torso. She leaned back against him, still shaking slightly.

"Bad dream?"

She just nodded, not trusting herself to speak just yet.

It had seemed so _real_. So _vivid_.

"Was it about the baby?"

Again she nodded. She felt him lean down and kiss her neck, his lips lingering on her skin. "It's okay. It was just a dream." He whispered. "It's okay, Nat. You're safe. You're both safe."

"Promise me." Her words were barely a whisper. "Promise me you'll keep the baby safe. No matter what."

He kissed her neck again. "I promise I'll keep you both safe. Always."


	3. Chapter 3

Two months later and Natasha still hadn't told Fury.

Clint wanted to wait until she was ready, since it was technically her news to share, but he started to wonder if maybe she hadn't intended on telling him.

At all.

"Look, I'm just saying, eventually he's going to notice." Clint was saying one morning over breakfast. "We can't just sweep this under the rug and pretend it isn't happening."

Natasha pushed her food around on her plate. "We could go away for a bit. Have the baby."

"He would just come after us."

"I know a few places he wouldn't look."

Clint sighed. "Look, Nat, why are you so against telling him? I don't think he's going to freak out as much as you think he is."

"That isn't why I don't want to tell him."

"Okay, then what is it?"

Instead of answering, Natasha stood up from the table, taking her unfinished breakfast with her.

"Do we have any yogurt?" she asked.

"Bottom shelf of the fridge."

She got out the yogurt and leant against the counter, opening the cup.

"You didn't answer my question, Tash."

"I know. I chose to ignore it."

"Nat—"

"Clint, just drop it, okay? I'll tell him when I'm ready. The doctor said it would take a while for me to show, so we still have time."

"He also said you shouldn't be doing anything too physical. Any idea how you're going to explain that to Fury?"

"I'm still going on missions, Clint. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself."

Clint looked at her sharply. "I thought we agreed, Nat. No missions until after you've had the baby."

Natasha turned away from him and set the yogurt on the counter. "I have no memory of that conversation."

"Oh yes you do, you were standing right next to me."

"Doesn't mean I agreed."

"It's not up for negotiation."

"Just because I'm having our baby does not mean you can order me aroun—"

"Exactly, Tasha!" Clint stood up from the table. "You are having our baby. And that's a miracle and amazing and the best thing that has ever happened to me." He moved over to her and put his hands on her hips. "Which means I am not letting you out yourself at any kind of risk."

Natasha glared at him. "Putting myself at risk has never been an issue before."

"Oh yes it has. I just never had any kind of good reason for you to stop. So I never said anything." His hands moved to her stomach. "But now I do. Because this is my child, too, Tash. _Our child_. I'd die if I lost you but I don't know what I would do if I lost this too."

Natasha avoided his gaze but he could see tears in her eyes. "That's why I don't want to tell Fury."

"What do you mean?"

"This baby is _ours_, which means that he or she will probably be special. Have certain abilities that other kids don't." she shook slightly in his grasp and he moved closer. "What if Shield tries to take our child from us?"

"Natasha—"

"They did it in the red room, Clint. I saw it. Shield may be different but at the end of the day they're all the same. All they care about is having the most amount of weapons."

"Tasha…" Clint ran a hand through her hair, pulling her so that she met his gaze. "This kid is getting us for parents. Do you really think anyone is getting through the Black Widow _and_ Hawkeye? Even Shield isn't that good."

She smiled, placing a hand over the one in her hair.

"Nat, I made you a promise that I would keep the both of you safe. That promise doesn't end when you deliver the baby."

He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. The shaking had stopped, but she still clung to him in a way that made him nervous. He knew this pregnancy was harder on her then it was on him, and not just because she was the one who was carrying their child. It was the psychological part that was taking its toll.

Even after two months, he could see the change in her. And it only made his worry get worse.

"I love you." She said. The words were muffled from how she was pressed against his chest, but he could still hear it. They could probably be in a full-out blizzard and he would still be able to hear those words coming from her mouth.

"I know I don't say it a lot, but it's the truth."

Clint pressed his lips to her forehead. "I know. But anytime you feel like saying it, feel free."

He could feel her laugh, but then her body stiffened and she shifted away from him. He let his arms drop and she ran the few feet to the bathroom before being sick. He followed her in and held her hair back as she crouched over the toilet. It was over after a few minutes, and he went into the kitchen while she rinsed her mouth out. He would have helped her in a heartbeat, but he knew she didn't want to feel coddled, or weak.

Especially not weak.

Twenty minutes later they were in the car on their way to Shield. Natasha was snacking on trail mix while Clint drove.

"I think this may be the only time you've ever eaten more than me." He said teasingly.

Natasha shot him a look. "Even when I'm 8 months pregnant I still won't be able to eat as much as you, Barton."

"You know this would give you the perfect excuse to eat pizza every day."

"That is such a _guy_ thing to say. And is probably one of the many reasons why it's a good thing women are the only ones who can carry a child."

Clint knocked her shoulder gently. "You do have a point there."

Once they got to Shield they parked the car and headed to the locker room. They were both training the new recruits for most of the day, though they were supposed to have a meeting with Fury before they left.

"_Would it make you feel better if I told him_?" Clint signed, not wanting the other agents to overhear them.

"_Told who what_?"

"_Told Fury. About us._"

Natasha slammed her locker shut and sighed.

"_I don't know. Maybe. But if you do I should be there._"

"_You don't have to be. Not if you don't want to._"

Clint pulled his shirt on before turning to look at her. She didn't look mad, which was a good sign.

"_Can I think about it?_"

He smiled and bent down to kiss her. "_Of course._"


End file.
